If you have made it over to my website today, you are probably wondering what the heck is going on in my life and why I left Los Angeles.  Or maybe you are just wondering why I have been completely off the grid for the four weeks.  Haha, I get it! But it happened. And in times of change we sometimes need to take a step back and allow ourselves time to process. So I did exactly that. Now I am ready to share.  

What you are about to read in the next few life update posts I am planning will give you insight.  Although it may seem crazy, it is the right choice for me and I know that.  The hardest part of all of this has been allowing my emotional self to catch up with my cognitive self.  What I mean by that is that even though I know it is the right choice, I needed time to emotionally catch up to what I was choosing. Hence me being off the grid.  I have learned that I can reason my way through most any problem, but being the emotional person I am my heart takes a little longer to adjust.

First, I would be remiss to not start by saying how grateful I am for the time spent in Los Angeles, the opportunities that were given and the people who made it such a special adventure.  It was quite literally the best time of my life.  After spending years in Cleveland learning medicine and also exploring who I was LA was my chance to grow fully into everything I truly am.  It was nothing short of magical.  I experienced more during my short time in LA than in the many years prior by simply feeling like ‘saying yes’ to anything and everything. Yes was always the right answer in LA. The city is such a special place and it will always have an exceptional place in my heart. I will be visiting often.  Who knows where the future will take us right? Better I stay in touch with the magic. 

The reason for leaving is complex. But drilled down when I weighed what I was doing against who I wanted to be something was maligned.  I have always believed you must follow your gut in these moments. You must lean towards who you want to be in this world and fight to go there ferociously.  That gut feeling is a guiding light.  Our instinct.  When who I know I am was clearly at odds with the nuts/bolts aspects of my day to day existence it was time to consider change.  

Lucky for me, my husband and I had started this conversation a while ago and when it came time to pull the plug per-say, we had a plan in motion.  It was a gut wrenching decision (to say the least) and the execution of what happened next moved faster than I could have imagined.  After all was said and done and I was driving away from our little beach home with the last of my belongings in the car (and Francis riding shotgun of course) I felt calm, but also still a little blown away by the fact that I was actually leaving.  

This rushed goodbye was complicated more by COVID-19 (as is everything in life right now).  The usual way I say goodbye would be having having dinners with friends, giving hugs and going to one last hoorah at all my favorite spots in town.  Because of the restrictions and pandemic closures, as well as the safety concern surrounding spread of this miserable virus, I didn’t get to do any of that.  I had to sneak away without a proper goodbye.  And it sucks.  

So here we are on the other side of transition. Not much worse for wear- other than poor Francis who despite being a trooper through yet another move/roadtrip/hotel/home experience developed a corneal ulcer and had eye surgery.  We are going on 5 weeks in the dreaded cone, eye drops and medications four times per day.  We are holding it together helped immensely by the fact that I have been able to be home with him during this time.  Let me also say four times a day medications is terrible and I will never prescribe them in the future if other options are available. It’s a full time job to wrangle this wiggly bowling ball of a pup once let alone four times everyday!

I am sure the question in your mind is so “what are you doing now?”  Currently, (besides wrangling this pup) I am rebooting.  I am working from home on projects that I need to catch up on.  I am reflecting greater on where I came from and who I want to be.  And I am focusing hard on my future and creating the sort of medical experience I know I want for patients.  I am becoming more me everyday and can’t wait for you all to see it! 

With love and hope,