April 30. 

The fiancé and I took a long run tonight around our neighborhood.  I have been trying to get into the swing of exercise during the pandemic. But if you read my last post (linked here!) it hasn’t always been easy.  So, when offered a leisurely paced (aka Morgan’s pace, not his pace) tonight after dinner, I took him up on the offer.  When we were about 1.5 miles out, we happened upon the local high school sports fields.  Immediately I felt the need to reach out my hand towards the gate.  There was a pit in the bottom of my stomach.  Seeing that football field I was struck with so many emotions.  I really miss sports. 

My job sometimes isn’t easy, and it often weighs on me.  As an emotive person the weight of everyone’s pains and injuries can build up. The expectations of seeing volumes of patients, doing paperwork, and managing a staff can weigh on my sensitive being.   And when you have games to cover on countless weekends and evenings it can start to feel like a chore.  But that day I felt such a strong longing to stand on the sidelines on a fall Saturday covering a football game.  I could feel the cool breeze in the air, hear the fans cheering in the stadium, and see our team playing on the field.  I long for the day we are able to play sports again.  But this longing is mixed with the fear I have for the safety of our athletes. COVID-19 has changed everything, including my perspective.   

May 3.

My fiancé and I have jumped on the bandwagon and are watching The Last Dance on ESPN (ESPN Story linked here).  The story for those that don’t know is about the Chicago Bulls in the era of the great Michael Jordan.  And you know what, I’ll say it again, I really miss sports. While watching I couldn’t help but think about why I feel so strongly about it.  I am not just a fan.  There is something more to the desire I feel.  

You’ve have heard the saying, “if you can’t be an athlete be an athletic supporter?” Well I think we as team docs are the ULTIMATE athlete supporter.  Let’s be honest again, I am not larger than life. I will never be.  But these athletes are.  And when they stand in victory we stand on the sidelines or in the very far background.  The feeling that we helped, even in a just small amount, contribute something towards whatever it was that allowed them to get there… WOW. Even if we didn’t directly contribute anything aside from being there in case, even when we are just there to watch it from behind the scenes while it is all happening…. Same feeling. Still Wow. 

The energy of being around sports is irreplaceable.  I don’t have a championship ring, but I know what it is like to watch that end being achieved. Maybe that is in part why we do our jobs;  it isn’t for the ring itself in our case but to be a part of something greater than ourselves, to help the best of the best achieve her or his best, to help those larger than life characters to be the gladiators of today. 

Team doctors are always there.  Winning seasons or losing ones. Pandemic or not.  There is no real credit and most of us don’t care. All we want to be there to help the best achieve greatness. We want the gladiators of our time to shine. We want those who are larger than life to make magic.   

Bottom line, I am honored to go behind the scenes and play my very small role in the greater world of sports.  It is absolutely my honor to have stood in every tunnel in which I have been placed. It is my honor to walk into a locker room and help an athlete in need.  

I often joke that it is like going behind the curtain of the Wizard of Oz at times. You know what is back there now, and some of the spectacle of it all changes.  But what an honor it is to know the greatest of the greats. 

Dang, I miss it.